To Date or Not To Date?

The Lord has brought me a long way in my singleness. My 20’s consisted of me not understanding contentment or how to do singleness well (at least from my perspective). My 30’s have been great! I still desire a committed, God honoring marriage, but greatly love the life He has given me.

I’ve never dated just for the sake of dating. It’s always been with the intention of marriage. I’m thankful for each of the relationships that the Lord has allowed me to walk through. As I entered my mid 30’s, I realized that meeting God honoring single men was becoming more difficult.

Here’s the conundrum I’ve been discussing with my family. Where are the lines between trusting the Lord in His timing, being/appearing desperate, and utilizing the tools and people He’s placed around me? I know…I said conundrum. 🙂

As I sit and evaluate my heart and mind in regards to this, I don’t feel desperate and I think my family would say the same. I fully trust God with His timing and way of introducing my next season of life. He’s proven over and over again that He is wise, loving, and perfect in His timing. So then comes the questions, “What part do I play in all of this?”

Often times I’ll hear people say, “Put yourself out there.” What exactly does that mean? Put myself where? I’m involved at church and on the college campus where I work. I’ve never said no to friends introducing me to someone or even setting up a blind date. I’ve even done Christian Mingle for about a month several years ago (wasn’t my cup of tea back then).

So here’s what I know right now. 1) I live in a small town of about 10,000 people. 2) I regularly get to meet a lot of great people, just very, very few single people around my age. 3) I live about an hour away from a large city, but am not often hanging out there as I have a full life where I’m at. 4) The number of friends introducing me to strong Godly men are few and far between.

So then comes my question of do I utilize people and tools around me to create situations of introduction (Christian Mingle, match-maker, send a message to friends asking them to think of someone to introduce me to, etc.)? Is that a wise use of my resources for the situation I’m in? Or is that me trying to force something? I truly believe that the Lord can introduce me to anyone at anytime. But is He asking me to step out?

In the Old Testament, Rehab had to hang a red cord out her window. Moses, with the help of two friends, had to hold up his arms during battle. David had to fight Goliath.

But then there are verses such as Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Or 1 Samuel 12:16, “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!”

Thus back to my conundrum. 🙂 I actually don’t know the answer to this one yet. Just felt the desire to share what’s rolling around in my head today. So feel free to share any insights that you might have. Plus, I’d love you to join me in praying for wisdom. I want to honor the Lord in my waiting or my doing!

7 thoughts on “To Date or Not To Date?

  1. Beautifully written! It is God who brings two people together in marriage. And He does keep His Word for those trusting on Him in this regard. By the grace of God I can confidently tell you this about my own life. Jesus helped me to wait on Him for the right person in marriage. Believe me, He gave the absolutely right person for me😊 You have made a great decision to wait upon God for the right person. Don’t let this burden you. He makes everything beautiful in His time! Ecclesiastes 3:11.

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  2. Hi. I can understand how you feel. I saw you liked my post about being a single Christian who is 30, so you kind of know some of my thoughts about this. I can relate to your conundrum as my friend who is 29 is also feeling it and just made an account on a dating website. For me personally, I feel peace in remembering that God can send me someone any time He likes and nothing is too difficult for Him. If I’m just oblivious, He can still shove someone in my face lol (I don’t think we’re oblivious anyway). And it would be better to have a truly godly man than a man who simply qualifies as “Christian.” So I personally err on the side of not taking action myself, but waiting on God to bring a man along, if He even wants that for me. You are honoring God to be most concerned about honoring God. Keep seeking Him for your wisdom and to be your all in all and He will not fail you in leading your way in His will. Side thought: I think it is difficult to find Christian men worth dating in our culture because “we” (Americans) have such blurred lines about what it means to be a Christian and even having a common understanding of what the true gospel is. There is a cultural shallowness that is prevalent and does not seek to make Jesus Lord, but just wants the “savior” without a changed life. Anyway, God is good and He’s good to you. I feel encouraged just reading this because I’m glad I’m not alone in what sometimes feels like a struggle of singleness. If you err more on the side of waiting for God to move things for you, I don’t think you can ever really go wrong because He knows your heart. At the same time, I do not feel qualified or able to speak to seeking out your resources, so I can appreciate your conundrum but can’t advise in that regard. But James says if we ask God for wisdom, He will grant it as we trust Him. I think you’re doing that, so you have a mighty promise in your favor in that. 🙂

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    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It always is helpful knowing there are “battle buddies” (a term from Gus Lee) out there. 🙂

      I just find it interesting that in other situations (finding a job, buying a house, etc.) you can still fully rely on God and trust His leading and provision but you are being proactive by applying for jobs or going to open houses… You can also just wait in those areas as well, but that’s not the norm in the church. I still don’t have a clear answer as I believe God is big enough to bring someone right to my door, allow us to meet on-line (like a good friend of mine who is now married to a wonderful Godly man), or keep me single till He brings me home! Thankfully, I’m not in doubt over His goodness, abilities, or plan (most of the time😂).

      Thanks again for your thoughts, honesty, and encouragement! I love that James 1 verse!

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  3. Gosh it is so hard! Lots of people have lots of opinions so maybe there is no right or wrong about this, just stepping forward with something and trusting God that you can’t screw up so much that you lose His love or fall out of grace.

    Liked by 1 person

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